Etcetera Suggests New Year Resolutions For D’Banj, Tonto Dikeh, Don Jazzy

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Very hillarious but meaningful. singer turned
controversial writer “ETCETERA” returns with another
piece of humour. Here he suggests new year resolutions
for industry heavy weights ranging from producers,
singers, OAP’s, dancers, actors etc.
Read & digest for fun please don’t attack him… Lol!
Every January, resolutions are made with conviction,
only to be dropped like a hot akara sometime before
February as unattainable, or just plain boring. All
through last year, we watched our celebrities and
critiqued their behaviour. Maybe we shouldn’t have.
Maybe we should let them make their own mistakes.
Or maybe we should assess celebrity behaviour in 2014
and determine which celebrities could use some
suggestions for their New Year’s Resolutions to make
2015 a great year. And that’s just what we’ve done. So
Don Jazzy, Cossy, Omosexy and others, listen up.
Afro Candy: We already know what you look like with a
pubic haircut. Now can you please get into character as
a Indecency-star. We’ve had enough of the teasers. It is
becoming boring already. We want the real deal in 2015.
Give us a hit movie that will make headlines and put
you on magazine covers. Bare your fangs, shake that
floppy Bottom and make the teenage boys happy.
Cossy: Our advice is twofold: first of all, it’s clearly time
to invest in some bra. This should be the year to get
those bosoms cupped and wrapped up. Secondly,
change your hustle. Your personality could be revealing
in a talk show: put your mind to it, I am sure great
offers will come in.
Baba Suwe: Egbon, we love you and we will always love
to see you in as many movies as possible. But are we
ever going to see you act without the black paint on
your face?
Mr. Ibu: A lot of people make resolutions to lose weight,
get strong and buff, quit smoking or drinking in order to
become healthier. Is this the year that Mr. Ibu finally
hits the gym for a six-pack form?
Pete Edochie: Since the death of Amaleze “The Cat,” one
question that has been asked over and over again is
when our beloved Pete Edochie is going to shave his
beards. Just in case the chief decides to visit a salon
this year, please someone should quickly remove the
kolanuts and palmwine keg from the table. Yes, you
may have to hide those wrappers and hats if we are
ever going to see the chief in suit anytime before
rapture. We’ll also love to see him play other roles than
His Royal Highness, Chief Ohazurumba 1 of Ohaji
Egbema Kingdom that he has been playing since the
days of “Things Fall Apart.” Sir, we know you can do it.
Don Jazzy: The experimental singing was good for last
year but 2015 should be the year of the vocalist. And
bros, you have hidden under the shade for too long. The
hot babes are crying and the queue is getting too long.
Will 2015 finally reveal “Mrs. Don Jazzy?”
Tuface: Your album last year was good but it also
revealed the fact that you have lost your vocal strength.
It won’t be a bad idea to engage the services of a voice
coach in 2015.
Dbanj: Last year wasn’t a good year for you musically.
The songs didn’t come out well, especially the
collaborations. I’ll suggest you take a total break from
music in 2015 and get re-inspired.
Omawunmi: You have found the right spot between
Highlife, Pop and RnB. You pitched your tent perfectly
well in our hearts in 2014. Whatever inspired those
beautiful songs is worth holding on to.
Waje: Awww we love you. Your voice is like the sound of
the morning spring. But ermmm please leave the skimpy
dresses to the peperempes.
Jim Iyke: No matter what people say about him, naija
movie scene has been boring without him and the drama
that comes with him. Jim, we will be happy to see you
back in the spotlight this year, making movies and
reminding us that you’re a fine actor. It would be nice
to see you star in your own movie, maybe with Nadia.
Miss Sindodo: After a long spell away, you bounced
back in 2014 and we are glad about your “amazing”
recovery. But your black knuckles and over-bleached
skin call for immediate attention this 2015. One movie
we will love to see made in Nollywood this year is “How
Stella Snatched My Husband” starring Doris and
produced by Daniel.
Halima Abubakar: Acting shouldn’t be a do or die affair.
Try other professions or better still, take a professional
course in acting.
Omosexy: Everyone says you are arrogant. This should
be the year to make a better impression.
Stephanie Okereke: When are we going to finally start
seeing your movies for real and not just seeing them
“Through The Glass?”
Olisa: You have held the crown of the oldest bachelor
for too long. It is time to hand over
Tonto Dikeh: What do you really do? It is becoming
more difficult to tell these days. It is a tough industry,
we know. But we’re begging you; please stop jumping
from one place to another. Getting into character as a
role model does require a bit of focus.

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