6 things that could destroy your relationship

A lot of relationships end abruptly even when it could
have been prevented, but because the couple are too
immersed in their anger, they can’t find a permanent
solution to their problems.

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There are no perfect relationships, but that doesn’t
mean you shouldn’t expereince a measure of peace with
your partner.
However, a lot of relationships end abruptly even when
it could have been prevented, but because the couple
are too immersed in their anger, they can’t find a
permanent solution to their problems.
There are some characteristics that either you or your
partner may possess, that could ultimately ruin your
relationship.
1. Criticism: Relationship expert John Gottman , who
wrote The Seven Principles for Making Marriage
Work, is known for determining the success of a
marriage within five minutes of meeting the couple.
One of the deciding factors is evidence of criticism.
Gottman knows couples will complain in their
relationships, but he differentiates complaining from
criticism. Criticism is more ‘global’ because it
attacks the person and not their behaviour. So, how
do we know if criticism has crept in? An example
would be, “The reason you didn’t pick up the kids is
not because you forgot. It’s because you are a
terrible father.” Know how to spot criticism,
because it could be killing your relationship.
2. Mind reading: The easiest way to set a relationship
on a death spiral is to play armchair psychic. Mind
reading takes a posture of assumption instead of
listening, judgment instead of compassion. When we
try and read the thoughts, motives, and intentions
of another person, their voice is taken away. It
dehumanizes the partner and does not give them
room for explanation. We all struggle with this one
because it’s easier to play ‘mind reader’ than listen
to your partner. If you say, “I know why you did
this…” there’s a possibility mind reading has entered
the relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations: When you begin a
relationship, there are certain underlying
expectations. These boundaries get wrapped up in
behavior and action. This might be particular chores
around the house, how money is spent, or how
children are disciplined. Problems emerge when
these expectations become unrealistic and the
partner feels crushed under the weight of their
failing behaviour. Most likely this will lead to an
unhealthy relationship.
4. Control: The desire to control your partner,
according to is rooted in fear and insecurity. A
controlling attitude has more to do with us, and less
with the partner. When control enters a relationship,
an underlying fear is buzzing behind the surface. It
may be fear of not knowing the future. Fear of
abandonment. Fear of being seen as a terrible
spouse. Until we get a handle on our own
insecurities the partner will suffer. If we constantly
say “Don’t do that,” or “Stop doing this,” we might
be a control freak.
5. Comparison: Comparing your current partner with a
former relationship is a guaranteed disaster. The
comparison is unfair. No one person is the standard
for all relationships. If they were so great why did
the relationship not work out? Testing your current
relationship, based on a prior one, is a good way to
kill your relationship before it begins. Relationships
are complex because of timing, maturity of the
partner, and emotional stability. These factors
change over time.
6. Routine: All relationships get stale. When partners
get comfortable with one another they stop doing
the little things. Eventually, boredom and disinterest
set in. But this is normal. It just means we need to
mix it up. Maybe we need a new routine. A date
night every Friday night. A vacation to an exotic
locale. Taking up a hobby together. Or finding
different ways to communicate with one another.
Routine doesn’t need to have the last say in a
relationship. Identify it. Mix it up. Watch your
relationship come back to life.

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